What are Practical Ways to Care for Those in an Unplanned Pregnancy?

Amy: I just meet a lot of people that are like, what can I do? I want to do more. Cause we talk a lot about “it’s not just a boat” it’s about the love and people are like what do you mean by that? And I know too, for me, like I had no idea that there was a pro-life movement. Even when we started Embrace Grace.  We didn’t think we were starting a pro-life organization because I wouldn’t have had any context as to what that was. I would have assumed that meant like, picketing at abortion clinics because that’s the only thing the media ever shows. It’s and so that would have been the only context. No one ever told me what a pregnancy center was. No one ever told me that there’s so many great organizations that are boots on the ground helping women. And it wasn’t until I was at my first pregnancy center training conference where they asked me to do a panel and I was completely blown away by all the vendors there; which all the vendors were really pro-life organizations that are boots on the ground. And the average person I feel like doesn’t really know maybe even what a pregnancy center is. You run a pregnancy center. Do you feel like there’s confusion around that? Like when you’re talking to an average Christian from church are they like what?  

Valerie: Yeah, we had an individual come into our pregnancy center and sat in on an embrace grace session and she didn’t realize how invested we were in her life, and she thought it was more of just pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and just some support, but didn’t know the vast support that surrounded her and her baby and her family.  

Amy: Yeah, that’s what I find too. Or one time I was giving a pastor a tour of our Embrace Grace offices and I was showing him our love boxes that we give to moms with unplanned pregnancies, or give to pregnancy centers, and I was like, you know what a pregnancy center is, right? He’s like oh yeah. And I was like, okay, we give them these love boxes and I go through the whole spiel, and he’s wait, is that like a Planned Parenthood? I’m like, okay, let’s start from the beginning. Pregnancy centers are… Because this is a great way people can get involved in the movement first and foremost is serving or helping or funding their local pregnancy center. So how? What’s the best way to word it to people that may not understand what a pregnancy center does? 

Valerie: I think, just really just knowing where an organization is in their local community. First, just finding out where they can connect. But then also just how they can come alongside brave families that are facing unexpected pregnancies. And everybody can do something.  

Amy: Yeah. What are some of the ways that people volunteer just literally at the center? 

Valerie: So, they can come and mentor someone. So that can be an individual that’s found out they’re pregnant and they just need the extra support. There’s a lot of people that don’t have family support, mom, dad. There’s nobody feeding into them. And so, they are looking for, they’re hungry for community. And so just having that connection with someone. So, mentorship is huge. And they might even connect with us medically. So, there’s a lot of people that have retired in the medical community and they’re looking for a place to plug in, so that’s an avenue that they can plug in. 

Amy: Like they could do the sonograms possibly?  

Valerie: Yeah, sonograms, pregnancy tests, STD testing, they could get involved in that way. Education is a big piece the medical education that surrounds the difficult topic of abortion and just being able to educate that woman, so she knows exactly what she’s going to do before she does it. And ultimately, that usually ultimately leads her to make a life decision. She’s like I can’t do that – and the education is huge and important. And people just to love on them after they have the baby. Or it’s a program to invest in their lives like an 8-week study or 12-week study, whatever that looks like for them. There’s so many people that can do just individual things,  

Amy: Right. That have specific g gifts and strengths that God put inside them. That they’re even naturally talented at, but they would feel like it’s a joy to serve in that way because that’s already what their gift set is. And I love how Tony Evans is, he’s one of my favorite pastors, but he says that the pregnancy centers are the first response team, and the church is the hospital. And I love that. And leading embrace grace and you have embraced grace too. It’s such a great partnership with the girls going to the pregnancy center, getting the care and support they need. They’re getting even the relational support to like what you said, a lot of the mentoring and things, but then also getting them plugged into a spiritual family and helping them get integrated into the church because a lot of times they’re so super nervous about that. But even as leaders of embrace grace, I know I’ve led, you led. You organically see needs, that just come out over the course of the semester of leading this group of like different situations that they’re in or hard things that they’re walking through. Or maybe it’s just that they just need a dream or they’re in like survival mode, right? 

Like they’re just trying to get through the day and it’s hard for them to think about “what do they want to do with their life” because they just need a paycheck, and they need to get through the day. So how have you seen through Embrace Grace, or just the church in general, people getting involved in the movement in that way, or how you’ve seen the church wrap around care around moms through that relationship with the church. 

Obviously leading Embrace Grace is a great way to get them. Yeah, but what other things have you seen?  

Valerie: I think them just realizing that there is a need.  

Amy: You see awareness. 

Valerie: Yeah, a lot of the women that come through our doors, the dads that come through our door, I think that they’re all alone. They’re in this by themselves. And I think a lot of times pregnancy centers and just the movement in general, they feel like when they’re in their own local community, they’re all alone. But just starting to share that message and the need. I was sharing with someone earlier today that, Jesus spoke in parables in the Bible and caused people to act and do something. So, as we go into the local church and share, they get that message. They want to be involved. They want to do something to help. And it just maybe we have a mom that needs mechanical issues fixed on her car. She doesn’t know where to turn to. She doesn’t have the money cause there’s more month than there is money. And somebody says I can’t serve every day, but I could fix the problem in our car. So just sharing little needs like that. And that’s through. building relationships in the community. 

Amy: Right, and that’s just by finding out and then covering it. I know I’ve seen so many churches get creative with it, or even I’m surprised to just posting on Facebook. For me – I think because I have a lot of alumni that I’ve got my current group – but then I’ve got 12 year’s worth of groups and you have been doing it for so long. 

Valerie: I’ve been here for nine years.  

Amy: Yeah, you’ve been leading Embrace Grace for a long time. So, you probably have this too, where sometimes the alumni come back all of a sudden, then they’re like, I’m in a really hard situation. I need help. And I sometimes will just post on Facebook, and I am shocked. It is almost instantly how something is covered for, maybe it’s electric bill and they’re really struggling in Texas over the summer for whatever reason, our electric bills went nuts. And so, Texas was hot. But in July, one of the embrace grace moms, her bill was 700 for her apartment, her little two-bedroom apartment, her electricity bill and she was like, there’s no way, I cannot. And we just, and it was about to be cut off by midnight, the next day and we just did a post and people wanted to help. They just need to know how to.  

 Valerie: Yes.  

 Amy: And I’ve seen…there’s just been so many. Definitely the car thing. There are so many great people that have stepped forward to help with that, whether it’s financially or maybe they’re just really good at fixing cars that they’ve helped in that way. 

I’ve seen people help with like resumes or if they’re really great at HR. I have one friend that keeps a lot of interview clothes on hand in all different sizes. In case she ever has a single mom that she, and she did HR all her life so she’s really good at it, so she’ll help them get their resume, like tip top shape. And then she gives them a cute outfit to wear that’s professional. And she helped and then coaches them on how to do the interview and everything and helps them dream again. And that was something she’s done her whole life that she’s already naturally gifted at. And she serves in that way. And I think the big thing is sometimes we just overcomplicate this magical thing that we’re supposed to do when really it’s just what has God put inside of us that we can use to make the world a better place, to help single moms, to make abortion unthinkable, because he has put something inside of us. 

I’ve seen women… I was at an event not too long ago. I randomly ran into some embrace grace leaders from Virginia. And the people, they actually weren’t leaders… What they said was it was her and her teen daughter, and she said they don’t have childcare at their church on weeknights. So, her and her daughter go up to the church on Wednesday nights when they have the embrace grace group because a couple of the moms had already had their baby, or one had a previous baby, and they watch the kids. She’s like it’s such a bonding time with her and her teen daughter and we love children and babies like we can hold babies all day long and that’s how they give back. There are so many great things and what you were saying earlier about teeth – like what was that? 

Valerie: It was years ago. It was probably our first group eight years ago. And we were just, I was just sharing in Sunday school class about a prayer need. I was like, this woman had stepped out of addiction, and she was definitely changing her life for the good, and she was like I’m so ashamed because I don’t really have any teeth. Just the cycle of addiction had just wore all of her teeth out.  

Amy: And that probably affected all her relationships. Like future dreaming about jobs or job interviews. That weighing on you was hard.  

Valerie: Self-confidence. Yeah. And everything. Confidence. So, I just shared just to pray for that. And somebody approached me and said, “Hey, I want to pay for her set of dentures” and so that changed her life. It’s just little things that we all have a place in the movement, and we have a seat at the table. There was, last year, in one of our Embrace Grace classes – One of the moms we helped her get an apartment. We needed to furnish that apartment. And it was like within a couple of days, she had everything that she needed for her apartment. She didn’t really have to pay a dime for anything. But the beautiful thing about that; she came to the Lord through that class. And it was the Sunday after the Supreme Court decision for Roe v. Wade. She got baptized at a local church. And the pastor always asks who the family is here to support this individual? Will you please stand up? And the whole church stood up and that’s what it’s about. The whole church. We are the church standing up and just, we do have a place to help one individual, 10, 5, just however many it is. There is a place for all of us to come and have a conversation.  

Amy: Yeah. And I think, so we we’re saying earlier, sometimes people are over complicated or think, oh, I have to have a lot of money. But I’ve seen people do big things. I’ve seen people do the smallest thing and make a huge difference. 

I remember one, actually it’s one of my employees, she was a single mom  years ago and she said that she had an apartment and she was on the third floor and she had a brand new newborn baby, no baby dad in the picture and she said, I stress so much about how it’s going to take out the trash because they have lots of fines and stuff like you can’t leave – you have to take it to this dumpster. And she’s do I carry the newborn in a carrier and hold the trash too like, how do I do that? Do I put the newborn in the carrier and lock the door and pray. Just all the little thoughts I’ve had of like, how do I do this? And she knew it was twice a week that the trash would go out. And so, the night before she would put it right outside her door to take first thing in the morning. And she said, every time when she would get out the door, she said someone had picked it up and taken it out. And she said she had just gotten saved right before that. And she said she kept feeling like that it was Jesus that was taking out the trash for her. And it felt, it made her feel so much better about it her situation and giving her hope and stuff. And that’s the tiniest thing but meant the world to her.  

And I think the biggest thing is just being obedient to the Lord, of what the Lord’s asking us to do, because there are so many young, single moms or young, or you single dads, that are asking God, do you see me? Do you hear me? And being obedient and sensitive to Holy Spirit’s leading of when he’s asking us to do something like that, because you never know how much it’s going to impact someone. And then on a big scale, actually just two weeks ago, an alumni from 10 years before, she reached out to me and she’s I have gotten myself in a really hard situation. I’m homeless, and I knew she has no family whatsoever. So, she doesn’t have a backup plan. So, she had bought herself a car, which she was super proud of, but she just didn’t have the best knowledge about budgeting. So, the car was amazing, but now it was making her rent like she couldn’t quite afford it every month. And so, she had the car for two months and she’s realizing – oh no, what did I do? And she was like waiting tables but then it was a real issue because she needed to get to work. So, she called me, she was like, I just got evicted and I don’t know what to do. I’m in my car, all that. 

So, I posted on Facebook. I went ahead, there’s sometimes and you’re by the same thing for you – like sometimes the Lord asks me to do something and then sometimes He’s like you’re not their savior, I am. Get out of the way because I want, ya know. But I did feel like the Lord told me to do something – to put her to get her in an Airbnb or hotel cause it was literally like the week before Christmas and it was cold. There’s about to be an icing. I was like, let me get her in a place for a week or two and then we can see, cause a lot of the homes and stuff, they were closed down. So I did that, but still then I did a post. And one of my friends called me and he’s I don’t know if you know this about me, but I own several apartment complex units, like buildings. And I’m like, no, I had no idea. And he said, one of my apartments just became available. I was raised by a single mom, and I know how hard they work. I would love to cover, or to let her live there rent free, her and her daughter in this apartment.  And me and my wife will help her… teach her about budgeting and finances because I can help with that and my wife as well. And he said I’ll cover her electricity for a year or two just to help her get a head start on this next season. And he had so much joy as he’s telling me this, like it was a joy for him to get in that way. But like both of those things, small and big, they made such an impact on a single mom’s life. Yeah,  

Valerie: Yeah, and just the simple fact of just maybe sharing something on social media that’s in a positive way that would impact a life and just the future generations of that life.  How simple that is, that would reach the right person. That’s just happened to scroll and see it. 

Amy: It’s just a faith booster too. Okay; so beyond pregnancy centers and beyond embrace grace and the church and all that, what are like some other things? I know what comes to mind as far as ways that people can get involved in the movement. I know maternity homes are really great. I know that I’ve seen like church groups go in and do a big deep cleaning or maybe they will remodel one of the rooms and put in new bedding and things and make it fresh. Or teach classes there or the pregnancy center. So maternity homes are a huge way to get involved if there are any in your community. 

Also just even looking at things like grants. I feel like everybody should at least have some knowledge about the pregnancy centers for sure in our area, plus any organizations and resources that are in our community. I feel like churches or people should have a resource list if you ever meet someone in this situation or any kind of hard, complex situation, there’s already a lot of organizations in your community you may not even know about that are like the best at that. 

Valerie: Yes.  

Amy: And so, it doesn’t always have to come out of the church outreach budget, like there could be organizations that are already helping in that way. And so at least having a knowledge of that is huge, and especially as churches. Like if someone calls you and says, I need help, maybe you’re a small church and you don’t have the resources to help, but if you at least have the knowledge of what’s going on in the community. Helping bridge that and walk alongside her for sure. But help her get connected too, that is huge.  

Valerie: Yeah, we have four resource manuals that we continually have day every year because there’s so many resources and one of our champion men that volunteer at the center –and that’s another thing. There’s a voice for everyone in the pro-life movement, but he was like, he told this mom, he’s there is every resource, now granted, where you live is big too, but there is every resource for you to be a thriving parent, to knock parenthood out of the park, in this community. I will help you find it. And so, it’s just that comforting and knowing, okay, I’m seen, I’m, I know, and I’m loved, and I can do this. They have that small little sliver of hope that I’m not alone and there’s somebody that cares and that’s going to help me find it.  

Amy: I’m going to do a shameless plug too, because helpherbebrave.com and Help Her Be Brave book – Have you read that book?  

Valerie: Yes. I love it.  

Amy: It’s got over 300 ideas of how to get involved in the movement. Then helpherbebrave.com you could take a quiz and find ways to get involved if you’re still like, I’m not sure. Or I feel like Pregnancy centers like you have a great example right there. 

Valerie: There are four manuals. Yeah, like of just resources.  

Amy: Yes, there are a lot of resources because it’s such complex issues that these girls are walking through. There’s not a cookie cutter way that you’re like, this is how you empower mom and save a baby. It’s complicated. So, you got to have a lot of resources at your fingertips. So, if you’re not sure where to get involved, contact your pregnancy center in your area and ask them. Hey, do you have any ideas of how I can get involved? The opportunities are endless, right? 

Valerie: It really is.  

Amy: Yeah, for sure. Stand For Life has really great content on their website, too, to help you get involved; onramp you into the movement. Check out their website. There’s lots of organizations that they’re representing, and it might get you ideas. Something will trigger inside of your heart, as you’re looking at one of the websites that they collaborate with, that you’re like, that’s it. This is how I’m supposed to get involved. And don’t feel like you’re disqualified because God qualifies you, and you have a place in the movement and together we can make abortion unthinkable. 

Valerie: Yeah, just praying and asking God. He will show you and reveal it to you of what where he wants you and he’ll speak to you. 

Amy: For sure.